Will I or Won't I?

Tomorrow my soccer team will begin its season against Seneca High School--located right in my backyard. The prospects are good. But I'd love even more to be able to go home two minutes away and celebrate on my patio, all before 8:00 tomorrow night. But as the rules go, my duties are to ride the bus back with the team and wait for at least one kids parent to take their time picking their child up. 

This is my fourth season at Fairdale--longest tenure I've had as a coach believe it or not. This 2015 season marks my 11th go-round coaching high school soccer. Brittany and I did the math and my career record is 63-79. Two bad seasons at Warren East and Franklin are the difference there. Everything else is pretty solid.

This season's prospects look pretty good based on our pre-season performance. I have a lot to be excited about. I'm happy with my kids. I've got good support at Fairdale. 

But I'm exhausted with it. My duties go beyond that of coach. Instead of thinking about how this player can improve his touch on the ball, I'm having to answer questions about what size warm up shirts were left on the bus Thursday night. 

This is an every week thing by the way. 

Nights before game days I load up my workout bag for a 5:00 am workout before cleaning up and heading to school by 6:20. I power through the school day teaching my ass off until 2:20. The day is far from over. 

Texts begin pouring in from kids or even stopping by my room to ask where we're meeting or that they forgot their socks. "Read your fucking text messages" or "that's your problem" are my responses internally. But I just repeat myself for the 10th time and tell sock boy that there's a spare pair in my bag----always have a backup plan.

I really do have a super hero mentality when it comes to my teaching and coaching. Fairdale rescued me from the worst situation I'll ever be in. The community is one worth going to battle for. They are my Gotham City. The kids on my team spend their time in the social security office or food stamp line wondering who will step up for them. It's only then that I get that chill down my spine and come to the rescue. I'm a fighter and a survivor, and I think it's my job to show these kids how to become that if they aren't already.

But I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. All too often have I presented these kids with wonderful opportunities for exposure and fun only to have the rug pulled out from under me by parents or kids themselves who don't quite understand how this whole high school sport thing works. Very creative practice plans, team building ideas have all gone by the wayside due to the flakiness that comes with children of poverty. Imagine baking a really cool looking cake just cause it was fun for you and then no one eating it. What a waste of effort and creativity! And time! And money!

I married the love of my life on June 6th. The more I labor throughout these days the more I remind myself that she deserves my fight, energy, and fresh personality more than anybody else on this planet. She very rarely gets it. 

My current argument with myself is a tough one. Do I enjoy an exciting upcoming season wrought with championship possibilities, go out with the 13 seniors I came in with and thus finally give Brittany my all? Or do I continue happily paying my debt to Fairdale and playing superhero for however much longer; unnecessary late night texts included? 

Brittany doesn't believe me. I do believe after my last game this year that I'll be exhausted and just ready to drop down and sit for a few months. When I'm asked if this was it, I'm going to nod my head "yeah". When I get up and walk to my car or into my house I may very well have tears rolling down my face. They will be partially sad that I'll feel like I'm leaving these kids behind but they'll also be tears of happiness that I can now bring the effort to my marriage that I've brought to my job for so long. I have a list of things I want to do. Just like that same list when I was 17 that said I wanted to teach history, coach soccer, and win some championships. If things go well this fall, I'd have to say "mission accomplished". 

What the District Tournament Has Meant The Last Decade

Ten years, ten district tournaments. The tournament itself has been a source of annoyance, inadequacy, heartbreak, and accomplishment. 

I never won a district game in high school. Not even close. My senior year I had a shot at heading the ball back post, thought too much, and went for the near-post. Marshall County's keeper got back to make the save at just the right time. I still lose sleep over it. My fiancé would sing the "Frozen" song to me at this point. Let it go indeed.....

Since I've been coaching, the district tournament has been pretty bipolar for me. My first season at Warren East in 2004 saw our willingly mediocre team beat Barren County in Round 1. Round 2, we were heavy underdogs to Bowling Green--the perennial state power. "Down" year or not for the Purples, we held them scoreless for 86:00. That included a goal that was taken away for being offsides (I still disagree). The looks on Bowling Green's faces spelled disbelief. Okay it might've been that way for us too ;) After losing 2-0, I was bummed but knew that my coaching career had gotten off to an explosive start. 

2005 and 2006 saw my East teams succumb to bigger, faster, and less-American Warren Central squads (2006 went to overtime). My one-year stint at North Oldham in 2007 saw us flame out unnecessarily to an average Oldham County team. 

Then came Franklin-Simpson; and that special week took on a whole new meaning. Upon my arrival, F-S had won the last seven district titles against the powerhouses of Russellville, Grayson County, and Muhlenberg North. While I concur that anytime you finish first in any weekly tournament it is noteworthy, but at the same time, shouldn't you yearn for more? I wanted Bowling Green and Greenwood. I wanted to build Franklin into a regional contender. Those surrounding me (sometimes literally) scoffed at the thought. Imagine the response when I asked if they were afraid of the two-headed monster up I-65 ;)

I kept the cheaply put together Ferrari running during the 2008-2009 district tournaments . But I didn't enjoy them. Even in the face of winning, the boys were still drama queens and their parents chose to look at the negatives. 2009 was the last ride of that Ferrari before the wheels fell off in 2010. 

In the 2010 district tournament, after a season of tumult, threats, and attrition, I paced the sideline and pondered my future in a 7-0 loss to Muhlenberg County. I quit on a group of kids that deserved to have someone quit on them. I was 50% sure that I'd never coach again and 100% sure that I was okay with it being over. 

In 2012, a group of kids at my current school told me it wasn't over. I bought in, they bought in, and that special week in October took on a whole new meaning: redemption, triumph, and resilience. Those boys beat our rival PRP 1-0 in the game that I always envisioned myself coaching. Bleachers rocking, packed, both sides yelling back and forth at one another. It was nirvana for this coaching Buddhist. 2013 saw a return to the title game, only to give up two late goals in a 2-1 loss to PRP. Next week can be the rubber match. 

Back when I was a kid, I can remember hearing early 90's pop on the radio late at night while riding in the car with my parents coming back from their significant others houses. It was always so quiet while hearing Paula Abdul or Whitney Houston's voices make up for the silence. Now I tend to have flashbacks to those times while I drive myself down Frankfort or Preston at night. Those drives become "how did I get here". And then the question does hit me: how did I get back here, and how did I assume such a not important but meaningful position. 

If we win the district tournament next week, it will be a bigger accomplishment than any of the other three (2009 at Franklin did have a certain in-your-face factor going for it). My kids are pretty close to the poverty line. Food stamps, tramp stamps, and unemployment checks constantly wander through these kids thoughts more than winning any kind of trophy. As I write this, the more and more I believe they deserve this. 

Next week will be a battle for us. If we're successful, I won't just be a coach. I'll be a leader of overachievers, underdogs for a community that hasn't seen a lot of that. I'll never know the "why me" when I drive down Preston or Frankfort at night, but we will know what came of that little boy that was always riding in his parents passenger seat twenty-five years ago. 

I chose to let go of all the Franklin drama but this year has been a reminder that you never forget--especially next week. 

My Painted House, My Friendly Chicken and Me

Written by Maya Angelou
Photographs by Margaret Courtney-Clarke
Published in 1994

Ndebele is a young girl in South Africa and through vivid pictures of her homeland, she takes you on a journey of what it is like to be her friend. The photographs are real life photos of this young girl and her village, which creates an authentic feel for the reader. The title tells the story of her house and what the different designs mean in her native land. She takes us through her village and tells us of different customs going on. One special story is what the women wear to the village and how they are the best dressed women in the area because of their fine clothes and fine jewelry that are hand crafted. One of the most important themes in the book is friendship. The chicken is her best friend because it will never tell her secrets. When dealing with elementary students, this is a great book to discuss the elements of friendship and to have students determine what makes a good friend. One activity to do with your students is to create an outline of a body and each student write one word on the body that is a good trait of a friend.

Night Boat to Freedom

I've always enjoyed reading about slaves escaping to freedom. It's an unfortunate but fascinating part of American history. Night Boat to Freedom is one of those stories. Illustrations by E.B. Lewis set the tone for the story with the unclear and faded future that so many runaway slaves had before emancipation.

The reason this story is so cool is that the main character, Christmas John, is escaping from Kentucky, trying to get across the river to Ohio.

Reading this story to students looking to break free of their own private situations would be a great way to relate to those students.

Luba and the Wren

For anyone that has grown up on a farm and has dealt with the struggles that comes with farm-living, this book is very relatable and well-appreciated.

Luba and the Wren is written by Patricia Pollaco, just like Thunder Cake. Russian language and culture is depicted in this story by the main character, Luba, living on a struggling farm with her parents. Luba, given her role as the heartfelt child with a great outlook on life despite living in a bleak home environment, reminds me a lot of Young Ju from A Step from Heaven.

Kids can read this book and appreciate it because I'm sure there are so many kids that live in bleak home environments and Luba shows them that they can rise above the negativity that they face at home.

There are so many teaching strategies you could take from this book. The book, with questions, can be a way for a teacher to relate to students on a more personal level.

The illiustrations have the same characteristics as the other Pollaco book--dark and colorful. Luba's life is dark, but she makes it very colorful.

Thunder Cake

Anyone that has had any kind of relationship with their grandmother will love this story. My grandmother made me believe that I could do anything, like earn an "A" in my grad classes. Hopefully I'm almost there as I type this book review.

Thunder Cake is a story based on the author's real-life experiences with her grandmother helping her overcome her fear of thunder. Her "Babushka" would make a cake (calling it "thunder cake") every time she heard thunder. This would help the girl come out from under the bed when a storm was coming.

I can see so many teaching strategies from this book of helping children overcome mental obstacles that they may have. I can't wait to apply some of these ideas to my classroom this school year.

The illustrations and language used in the book depict a bit of Russian culture while the colors are dark yet colorful, which I think Babushka depicts storms to the girl in the same manner.

This story is enjoyable because it shows how simple that it can be to help someone overcome their fears.

A Step from Heaven

A Step from Heaven is a story about a Korean family coming to the United States and the hardships they face along the way. The central figure in the story, Young Ju, is the subject of a fascinating story in which she evolves into very much a heroine within her own family.

The book highlights the struggles that foreign families face when relocating. Those struggles culminate towards the end of the book, which is where Young Ju undoubtedly becomes the strongest figure in the book.

I enjoyed this story for the coming of age tale that it is. Young Ju evolves into a patriarch within her family, all while we see a consistent deterioration of character for one of the story's other key figures. Anyone that has faced these same struggles can relate to the story and will enjoy reading it for the good, not-too-demanding read that it is.